the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
