Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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