Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
