THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
