1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize