D3 body, D1 cock
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
