i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize