So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
