Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
