so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
His hands were made for my vagina.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
