giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
