I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
