i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
