i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
