I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
