If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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