I accidentally had phone sex last night
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
