We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
