last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
