Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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