I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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