i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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