My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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