Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My vagina is officially offended.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
