Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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