So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize