So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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