Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
