were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
