Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
