I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
