Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
