i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Good news!! I can adult!! š turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement šš
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You couldnāt remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders āunlimited hand frittersā if they wouldnāt cut you off.
Randomize
