Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize