so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
