Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
