I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
