there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
