I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
