We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
