He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
