Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
