so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
