I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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