So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
