he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
