I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
