Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I still have a little drunk in my system
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
