dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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