3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
