dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
