And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
