next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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