i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
zippers are such a cool invention
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
