You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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