it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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