I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
