Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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