just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He shit in the fireplace
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
