i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
