when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
