My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
