oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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