I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
