My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
